Mistakes I Made as a Neurodivergent Mom and How Neglecting Self-Care Led to Burnout

Let’s be real—parenting can feel like an epic quest on any day. But as a neurodivergent mom raising a neurodivergent daughter, it can feel like you’re navigating a wilderness full of unexpected twists, sensory traps, and moments that stretch your patience. Along the way, I’ve made my fair share of mistakes—missteps that led me to burnout, sensory overload, and more than a few frustrated tears. But each one taught me something invaluable. Today, I’m sharing these hard-won lessons in hopes they bring you a sense of relief and encouragement on your own journey.

Mistake 1: Trying to “Fix” Instead of Embrace

In the beginning, I thought my job as a mom was to “correct” certain behaviors, like her stimming or her focused interests, so she’d have an easier time “fitting in.” I wanted to protect her from the world’s judgment, assuming that life would be kinder if she blended in. But I soon realized that trying to “fix” her quirks was unintentionally sending the message that there was something “wrong” with her. Now, instead of pressuring her to conform, I focus on celebrating her individuality. Embracing her uniqueness has not only strengthened our bond but has given her a confidence I never had as a kid—confidence to show up as her true self.

Mistake 2: Ignoring My Own Needs and Burning Out

I used to think that putting myself last was what “good moms” did. But all that did was lead me down a fast track to burnout. Skipping self-care left me depleted, less patient, and more prone to sensory overload. I learned (the hard way) that self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential. Whether it’s a few minutes of quiet, time in a sensory-friendly space, or something that simply fills my cup, taking care of myself means I’m better able to show up for my daughter. Now, I treat self-care as a non-negotiable—because a thriving mom creates a thriving family.

Mistake 3: Comparing Our Journey to “Perfect” Moms

It’s easy to look at other moms who seem to have it all together and feel like I’m falling short. But here’s the thing—neurodivergent parenting is unique. What works for someone else may not work for me or my daughter, and that’s okay. The comparison trap only led me to self-doubt and frustration. Now, I focus on finding what works for us and embrace our beautifully messy, one-of-a-kind journey. Letting go of comparison has been freeing, and it allows me to celebrate the small victories in our day-to-day life.

Mistake 4: Expecting Progress to Be Linear

I used to believe that if we put in the work, things would continually improve. But I’ve learned that, in neurodivergent parenting, progress is anything but a straight line. There are good days, tough days, and moments that challenge all we’ve built. This reality check taught me to let go of perfectionism and celebrate even the smallest wins. Because, let’s face it, every step forward—even the tiny ones—is worth celebrating.

Mistake 5: Trying to Be “Super Mom” and Doing It All Alone

For too long, I believed I had to handle everything on my own—managing meltdowns, school challenges, and emotional ups and downs. But trying to be “Super Mom” left me exhausted and isolated. I’ve learned that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Reaching out to friends, family, or professionals has helped me become a stronger, more present mom. And it’s shown me that it’s okay not to have all the answers or do it all alone.

Final Thoughts

Parenting, especially as a neurodivergent mom, isn’t about achieving perfection—it’s about growth, connection, and resilience. Each one of these “mistakes” was a stepping stone, teaching me lessons that made me a more compassionate, grounded, and empathetic mom. If you’re feeling stretched thin, remember that mistakes are part of the journey, not failures. We’re all doing the best we can, and that’s more than enough.

Want practical ways to connect with your daughter and create meaningful moments together? My free guide, 5 Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Bond with Your Daughter, is packed with adaptable strategies to deepen your connection. Because sometimes, small, intentional actions make the biggest impact over time.