Managing Emotional Dysregulation as a Neurodivergent Mom

As a neurodivergent mom, one of the biggest challenges I’ve faced is managing emotional dysregulation. There are days when I feel like I’m riding a wave of emotions, each one hitting me harder than the last. The demands of motherhood alone can make anyone feel overwhelmed, but when you add in the unique emotional experiences of being neurodivergent, things can quickly feel like too much to handle.

Learning to manage my emotional dysregulation has been an ongoing process, and while I’m still on the journey, I’ve discovered tools and strategies that have helped me find more balance. I hope these insights can help you too, whether you're navigating emotional ups and downs or supporting a neurodivergent child who might be dealing with similar challenges.

What Is Emotional Dysregulation?

Emotional dysregulation refers to the difficulty in managing emotions in a way that feels stable or appropriate to the situation. For many neurodivergent people, including those with ADHD or autism, emotions can feel intense and difficult to control. One moment, you might feel calm and collected; the next, something small triggers an overwhelming response.

For me, this often looks like going from 0 to 100 in the span of a few seconds. It could be a minor frustration—like a mess in the kitchen or my child refusing to put on her shoes—and suddenly, I’m flooded with anger or anxiety. Over time, I’ve realized it’s not the individual situation but how my brain processes it that leads to those big emotional waves.

Recognizing Your Triggers

The first step in managing emotional dysregulation is recognizing what triggers those intense reactions. It’s not always easy, but identifying patterns can help you feel more prepared when emotions start bubbling to the surface.

For me, sensory overload is a major trigger. If the noise level in the house gets too loud or there’s too much happening at once, I can feel my emotions spiraling. Sleep deprivation and an overwhelming to-do list are also significant contributors. Once I started pinpointing these triggers, I could take proactive steps—like creating quiet spaces or breaking tasks into smaller, manageable pieces—to minimize their impact.

Creating a Calming Routine

Having a routine to calm yourself during intense moments can make all the difference. For me, this means stepping away for a few minutes when I feel dysregulated. Whether it’s going outside for fresh air or retreating to the bathroom for a moment of quiet, changing my environment helps me reset.

I also rely on deep breathing techniques. When things feel chaotic, I take slow, deliberate breaths to help regulate my nervous system. Fidget items are another lifesaver. Something as simple as a squishy stress ball redirects my focus, giving my brain a calming task to anchor on. These strategies have not only helped me but also become tools for my daughter when she feels overwhelmed.

Building Emotional Regulation Tools for the Family

Parenting a neurodivergent child often means managing heightened emotions on both sides. That’s why we’ve made emotional regulation a family affair. One of the best things we’ve done is create a “calm corner” in our home. It’s a cozy space with soft blankets, sensory toys, and dim lighting—perfect for decompressing during moments of stress.

When we’re out and about, we use a “calm kit.” This small bag is packed with essentials like noise-canceling headphones, sensory toys, and essential oils. It’s been a lifesaver in busy stores or at loud events. These tools have helped us manage meltdowns more effectively and created a sense of safety and stability for both of us.

Learning to Manage Guilt and Self-Judgment

One of the hardest parts of emotional dysregulation is dealing with the guilt that follows a big emotional outburst. It’s so easy to label yourself a “bad mom” when you lose your temper, but I’ve had to remind myself (many times) that being neurodivergent doesn’t make me less of a mom.

I’ve learned to embrace self-compassion. When those moments happen, I pause, take responsibility, and repair. After an outburst, I sit down with my daughter and talk through what happened. We discuss how I was feeling, what I could have done differently, and how we can handle similar situations better in the future. This not only eases my guilt but also models emotional resilience and accountability for her.

Asking for Help and Building Support Systems

Emotional regulation is hard work, and you don’t have to do it alone. Connecting with other neurodivergent moms has been an incredible source of support for me. Knowing there are others who truly understand my experiences has been a game-changer. Whether it’s through therapy, online communities, or friendships, building a support system makes all the difference.

Strengthen Your Connection with Your Daughter

Emotional regulation is a critical part of parenting, but building a strong bond with your child goes hand in hand with managing your own emotions. That’s why I created the 5 Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Bond with Your Daughter guide. It’s packed with actionable, connection-focused strategies designed for neurodivergent moms raising neurodivergent daughters.

In this free guide, you’ll discover:

• Simple ways to foster trust and understanding.
• Daily practices to create meaningful connections.
• Tools to navigate challenges with confidence and compassion.

Download the guide today and take the next step in building a deeper, more fulfilling relationship with your daughter. Small actions can make a big impact—let’s take them together!