Breaking Free: How to Overcome Societal and Self-Gaslighting with ADHD

Gaslighting is a term we often associate with toxic relationships, but what happens when the gaslighting comes from society—or even from within? For many adults with ADHD, gaslighting is a daily experience. We’re told our struggles are excuses, our needs are inconvenient, and our experiences aren’t valid. Worse, we often internalize these messages and begin to doubt ourselves.

In this post, we’ll explore the dynamics of societal and self-gaslighting, their impact on ADHD, and actionable strategies to break free from this harmful cycle.

1. Understanding Societal Gaslighting
   Societal gaslighting is a pervasive issue for individuals with ADHD. It’s the doubting, dismissive voice of the world telling us that ADHD isn’t real, that we’re just lazy, or that we should "try harder." This type of gaslighting can appear in:

• Workplaces: When productivity is valued over mental health, and accommodations are seen as "special treatment."
• Schools: Where children with ADHD are labeled as disruptive or underperforming, reinforcing a narrative of failure.
• Media: Misrepresentation of ADHD as a quirky personality trait rather than a legitimate neurodevelopmental condition.

The constant invalidation can erode self-esteem, making it difficult to advocate for ourselves or seek support.

2. The Invisible Impact of Self-Gaslighting
   What’s even more damaging than societal gaslighting is when we start believing it. Self-gaslighting occurs when we internalize negative narratives and begin to doubt our own experiences. Common forms include:

• Minimizing Symptoms: "Maybe I don’t actually have ADHD—I’m just bad at managing my time."
• Questioning Validity: "Am I just using ADHD as an excuse?"
• Suppressing Needs: "Other people have it worse; I should just deal with it."

This internal conflict creates a vicious cycle. The more we doubt ourselves, the harder it becomes to advocate for accommodations or make changes that support our well-being.

3. Breaking Free from the Gaslighting Cycle
   It’s possible to overcome the harmful effects of gaslighting, but it requires intentional effort and a commitment to self-advocacy. Here are some strategies to start:

1. Educate Yourself

Knowledge is power. Understanding the science behind ADHD can help dismantle myths and reinforce your confidence in your lived experience. Resources like books, podcasts, and support groups can provide validation and empowerment.

2. Reframe Your Thinking

Practice self-compassion by reframing negative thoughts. Instead of "I’m so disorganized," try "I’m learning to work with my brain’s unique wiring." Recognize that ADHD isn’t a flaw—it’s a difference, and differences come with both challenges and strengths.

3. Build a Support Network

Surround yourself with people who understand and support you. This could include friends, family, therapists, or ADHD coaches. Community connections are a powerful antidote to isolation and self-doubt.

4. Advocate for Yourself

Whether it’s at work, school, or home, advocating for your needs is crucial. This might mean requesting accommodations, setting boundaries, or simply explaining how ADHD impacts your day-to-day life.

5. Celebrate Small Wins

Each step forward, no matter how small, is worth celebrating. Did you finish a task you’ve been procrastinating on? That’s a win. Did you take a break when you needed it instead of pushing through exhaustion? Another win. Recognizing progress helps build momentum and confidence.

4. Embracing Your ADHD Story
   Every individual with ADHD has a unique story to tell. By owning your narrative, you take back the power that gaslighting—societal or internal—tries to strip away. Your ADHD is part of who you are, but it doesn’t define you.

Breaking free from gaslighting is about more than proving others wrong; it’s about believing in yourself. It’s about knowing that your experiences, your struggles, and your triumphs are valid.

Take the First Step Toward Confidence and Clarity
If gaslighting and self-doubt have held you back, it’s time to take control. My ADHD Coaching Program is designed for neurodivergent moms ready to embrace their strengths, navigate challenges, and build systems that work for their unique brains.

👉 Learn more and take the next step today:

ADHD Coaching for Moms