If you're an ADHD mom, you know the feeling: that sinking feeling in your stomach when you make a mistake, forget something important, or feel like you're failing. It's the start of the shame spiral, and it can quickly send you into a tailspin of self-doubt, negativity, and overwhelm.

But here's the thing: shame is a liar. It tells you that you're not good enough, that you're a failure, that you're not worthy of love and belonging. But that's simply not true. You are an amazing mom, doing the best you can with what you have. And you deserve to feel good about yourself, even on the tough days.

Feeling trapped in a shame spiral? You're not alone. Join the Phoenix Rising Collective and find support, validation, and practical strategies to help you break free.

The ADHD Shame Spiral: Why We Feel It So Deeply

ADHD brains are wired for intensity, and that includes our emotional experiences. We feel things deeply, and that can make shame feel especially heavy and overwhelming. Add in the challenges of rejection sensitivity, where we're more sensitive to criticism and perceived failures, and it's no wonder shame can take such a toll on our well-being.

Imagine this scenario: You're late for school pickup (again). As you rush into the classroom, flustered and apologetic, you see the teacher's disapproving look and hear the whispers of the other parents. Your heart sinks, and your mind starts racing with negative thoughts: "I'm such a screw-up," "I'm always letting my child down," "I'm a terrible mom." This is the shame spiral in action, and it can quickly escalate into a full-blown emotional meltdown.

But here's the good news: we can learn to tame the shame spiral and recover from those hard days. It starts with recognizing that shame is often a learned response, not a reflection of our actual worth.

Strategies for Stopping the Shame Spiral

Here are a few strategies to help you interrupt the shame spiral and start feeling better:

• Name It to Tame It: When you feel shame creeping in, acknowledge it and name it. Say to yourself, "I'm feeling shame right now," or "This is the shame spiral starting." This simple act can help you gain distance from the emotion and reduce its power.
• Challenge the Inner Critic: Ask yourself, "Is this thought true? Is this thought helpful? Is this thought kind?" If not, reframe it with a more positive and realistic statement. For example, instead of thinking, "I'm a terrible mom," try saying, "I made a mistake, but I'm still a good mom, and I'm learning from this experience."
• Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. Remember that you're human, you're allowed to make mistakes, and you're still worthy of love and belonging.
• Focus on Your Strengths: ADHD moms have unique strengths and superpowers. Celebrate those and let go of the need to be perfect in every area. Maybe you're incredibly creative, or you have a knack for problem-solving, or you're a master of multitasking. Whatever your strengths are, focus on those and let them shine.
• Build a Support System: Connect with other ADHD moms who understand your struggles and can offer encouragement and validation. Sharing your experiences with others can help you feel less alone and more empowered to overcome challenges.

Need a safe space to share your struggles and connect with other ADHD moms who get it? The Phoenix Rising Collective is here for you.

Recovering from a Hard Day

Even with the best strategies, there will be days when the shame spiral takes hold. When that happens, it's important to have a plan for recovery. Here are a few tips:

• Acknowledge Your Feelings: Don't try to suppress or deny your emotions. Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling, without judgment. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream, scream (into a pillow, of course). If you need to vent to a friend, vent.
• Practice Self-Care: Do something kind for yourself, whether it's taking a relaxing bath, listening to your favorite music, or spending time in nature. Self-care is not selfish, it's essential for your well-being.
• Connect with a Supportive Person: Reach out to a friend, family member, or therapist who can offer you a listening ear and a safe space to process your emotions. Sometimes, just talking about what you're going through can make a world of difference.
• Remind Yourself of Your Strengths: Make a list of your accomplishments, your positive qualities, and the things you're grateful for. This can help you shift your focus from your perceived failures to your strengths and successes.
• Focus on the Future: Instead of dwelling on the past, focus on what you can learn from the experience and how you can move forward. Remember that every mistake is an opportunity for growth and learning.

Feeling lost and alone in your struggles? Join the Phoenix Rising Collective and find a community of supportive ADHD moms who understand what you're going through.

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Remember, you are an amazing mom, doing the best you can. And you deserve to feel good about yourself, even on the tough days.