How to Set Boundaries During the Holiday Season as a Neurodivergent Mom

The holiday season can be a time filled with joy, connection, and celebration, but for many neurodivergent moms, it can also be a time of overwhelm, stress, and sensory overload. Between family gatherings, social obligations, and the pressure to create the “perfect” holiday experience, it’s easy to feel stretched thin. That’s why setting boundaries during the holiday season is so crucial—not just for our own well-being but also for the well-being of our families.

For me, learning to set boundaries during the holidays has been a game-changer. It’s allowed me to protect my energy, prioritize what matters most, and enjoy the season without feeling constantly overwhelmed. In this post, I’ll share some of the strategies I’ve developed for setting boundaries as a neurodivergent mom, so you can create a holiday season that works for you and your family.

Understand Your Limits

The first step in setting effective boundaries is understanding your own limits. As neurodivergent moms, we have unique sensory and emotional needs that may not align with the traditional expectations of the holiday season. Whether it’s attending large family gatherings, managing the noise and chaos of holiday events, or navigating disrupted routines, it’s important to recognize when you’ve reached your limit.

For me, that means being honest with myself about what I can and can’t handle. I’ve learned that big holiday parties with lots of noise and people are not my thing—and that’s okay. Instead of forcing myself to attend every event, I choose the ones that feel manageable and skip the rest. Giving myself permission to say no has been liberating, and it’s helped me preserve my energy for the things that truly matter.

Take a moment to reflect on what aspects of the holiday season feel most challenging for you. Is it the sensory overload of decorations and music? The pressure to attend every family event? The disrupted routines? Once you’ve identified your triggers, you can begin setting boundaries to protect your well-being.

Practice Saying “No” (Without Guilt)

Saying “no” can be difficult, especially during the holidays when there’s so much pressure to participate in every event and meet everyone’s expectations. But as neurodivergent moms, it’s important to remember that saying no is an act of self-care—and it’s okay to prioritize your mental and emotional health over holiday obligations.

I used to feel guilty every time I declined an invitation or decided to opt out of a holiday event, but I’ve since learned that it’s better to say no and protect my well-being than to say yes and end up feeling overwhelmed and resentful. Now, I practice saying no with confidence, knowing that it’s what’s best for me and my family.

If you’re struggling with guilt, try reframing it in your mind. Remind yourself that by setting boundaries, you’re creating a holiday season that works for you, and that’s just as valid as participating in every tradition or event. Saying no doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you intentional.

Set Boundaries Around Family Gatherings

Family gatherings can be a significant source of stress for neurodivergent moms, especially when they involve large groups, unfamiliar environments, or family dynamics that are challenging to navigate. Setting boundaries around family gatherings can help you manage your sensory and emotional needs while still enjoying time with loved ones.

One boundary I’ve set is limiting the amount of time we spend at family events. Instead of committing to spending an entire day at a holiday gathering, I’ll let my family know that we’ll be attending for just a few hours. This gives me an “out” if the event becomes too overwhelming, and it sets clear expectations for everyone involved.

I also make sure to communicate my sensory needs in advance. For example, I’ll ask if there’s a quiet room where I can take a break if things get too loud, or I’ll bring my own sensory tools like noise-canceling headphones and fidget toys to help manage overstimulation.

If family dynamics are challenging, it’s helpful to set boundaries around conversations. You don’t have to engage in every discussion, especially if it feels triggering or emotionally draining. Practice politely redirecting the conversation or excusing yourself when needed.

Protect Your Energy by Prioritizing What Matters Most

One of the best ways to set boundaries during the holiday season is by prioritizing what matters most to you and your family. Instead of trying to do everything, focus on the activities and traditions that bring you the most joy and connection.

For me, that means letting go of the pressure to create a picture-perfect holiday and focusing on creating meaningful moments with my daughter. We might skip the large holiday gatherings and instead spend a quiet evening baking cookies or watching a holiday movie together. These smaller, more intentional traditions allow us to enjoy the season without feeling overwhelmed by expectations.

By prioritizing what matters most, you can protect your energy and avoid burnout. Whether it’s spending time with close family, creating sensory-friendly holiday traditions, or simply taking time to rest, the key is to focus on what feels meaningful to you, not what others expect.

Communicate Boundaries Clearly (and Kindly)

When setting boundaries with family and friends, it’s important to communicate them clearly and kindly. While it can be uncomfortable to say no or ask for accommodations, being upfront about your needs will help reduce misunderstandings and ensure that everyone is on the same page.

For example, if you know that attending a large holiday event will be too overwhelming, let your family know ahead of time that you’ll be celebrating in a smaller, quieter way this year. If you’re bringing your own sensory tools or need to take breaks during a gathering, explain why these accommodations are important for you and your child.

The key is to be clear and direct while also remaining kind and compassionate. Most people will respect your boundaries once they understand why they’re necessary.

Let Go of Perfection

Finally, one of the most important boundaries you can set during the holiday season is with yourself. Let go of the need for perfection. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that we have to create the perfect holiday experience, but striving for perfection often leads to stress, burnout, and disappointment.

Instead, focus on creating a holiday season that feels authentic and manageable for you and your family. This might mean letting go of certain traditions, scaling back on holiday activities, or simply allowing yourself to rest when needed. Remember that your well-being is the most important gift you can give to yourself and your family.

Creating a Holiday Season That Works for You

Setting boundaries during the holiday season is an act of self-care that allows you to enjoy the holidays on your terms. If you’re a neurodivergent mom looking for more ways to protect your energy, manage sensory overload, and create a holiday season that works for your family, 

🎄 Ready to Make the Holidays Work for You and Your Family?

The holiday season doesn’t have to be about perfection or overwhelm. It can be a time of connection, calm, and meaningful moments that honor your family’s unique needs. If you’re ready to let go of the stress and focus on what truly matters, I invite you to download my free guide: "5 Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Bond with Your Daughter."

This guide offers:
✨ Practical strategies for building connection amidst the holiday chaos
✨ Simple tips for managing sensory overload and prioritizing calm
✨ Inspiration to create traditions that work for your family

🎁 This holiday season, give yourself the gift of calm and connection.

👉 Download Your Free Guide Now

You deserve a season that feels good—for you and your family. Let’s make it happen together. ❤️