Breaking the Cycle—What My 14-Year-Old Self Taught Me About Healthy Relationships

The Patterns We Don’t See
At 14, I entered my first real relationship. I thought I knew what love looked like—it was dramatic, all-consuming, and tinged with a little chaos. What I didn’t realize at the time was that my understanding of relationships had been shaped by patterns I didn’t even know I’d inherited.

Looking back, those early experiences set the tone for years of unhealthy relationship dynamics. My ADHD played a role, too, amplifying emotional highs and lows, leading to impulsive decisions, and making it harder to recognize red flags.

ADHD, Trauma, and Toxic Dynamics
ADHD adds unique layers to relationships. The intensity of emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, and sensitivity to rejection can create dynamics that feel thrilling at first but quickly spiral into toxicity. For me, those teenage years were a whirlwind of feeling both adored and dismissed—a pattern I repeated well into adulthood.

I didn’t know how to set boundaries or recognize when my needs weren’t being met. I thought love was about proving my worth and accommodating someone else’s needs, no matter the cost.

This mindset didn’t just affect me; it also shaped how I approached relationships later in life—until I recognized the need to break the cycle.

Healing for Yourself and Your Daughter
When I became a mom, everything changed. I saw glimpses of my younger self in my daughters—their curiosity, their eagerness to connect, and, sometimes, their vulnerability. It became clear that if I didn’t address my patterns, I might pass them on, even unintentionally.

I began doing the work:

• Recognizing where I had internalized unhealthy beliefs about love and relationships.
• Understanding how my ADHD traits influenced my behaviors and choices.
• Learning to set boundaries and prioritize my own needs without guilt.

By healing those wounds, I not only created healthier dynamics for myself but also set a better example for my daughters.

How to Break the Cycle
Breaking unhealthy relationship cycles starts with awareness. Whether you’re working through your own experiences or trying to guide your teenage daughter toward healthier relationships, here are some steps to consider:

1. Reflect on Your Patterns:
   Think about your past relationships. What dynamics were at play? Are there patterns you see repeating?
2. Recognize ADHD’s Role:
   Traits like impulsivity, sensitivity, and hyperfocus can intensify relationship challenges. Understanding how these show up for you or your daughter can be transformative.
3. Prioritize Emotional Safety:
   Emotional safety is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Teach your daughter—and remind yourself—that love should never feel like walking on eggshells.
4. Set Boundaries:
   Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away; they’re about protecting your energy and emotional well-being. Model this for your daughter by showing her it’s okay to say no.
5. Seek Support:
   Healing isn’t something you have to do alone. Therapy, coaching, or a trusted support system can provide the tools and perspective needed to make lasting change.

Helping Your Daughter Navigate Relationships
As moms, we want to protect our daughters from the pain we experienced, but shielding them entirely isn’t realistic—or empowering. Instead, focus on equipping them with the tools they need to navigate relationships confidently and safely.

Start by having open, honest conversations about your own experiences. Share what you’ve learned about recognizing red flags, setting boundaries, and prioritizing emotional health.

These conversations can feel vulnerable, but they’re also incredibly powerful. By modeling emotional awareness and growth, you’re teaching your daughter that it’s okay to acknowledge mistakes and use them as a foundation for change.

Creating a New Legacy
Breaking the cycle of toxic relationship patterns is about more than just healing yourself—it’s about creating a new legacy for your family. Every step you take toward growth and self-compassion strengthens the foundation for your daughter’s future relationships.

You don’t have to have all the answers to start. Healing is a process, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time.

If you’re ready to break free from toxic relationship patterns and create a healthier, more connected future for yourself and your family, my 6-month coaching program is here to support you. Together, we’ll explore the roots of these cycles, address the impact of ADHD, and build a path toward healing and growth.

LEARN MORE AND BEGIN YOUR JOURNEY