One of the hardest parts of healing from generational trauma is setting boundaries with the very people who created or reinforced those patterns.

Whether it’s a parent who dismisses your feelings, a sibling who guilts you into overextending yourself, or extended family who refuses to respect your parenting choices, these relationships can be incredibly draining—especially when you’re trying to break cycles they still participate in.

For late-diagnosed ADHD and Autistic moms, setting boundaries can feel even harder. Many of us were taught to mask, people-please, and suppress our needs to maintain relationships. But breaking free from unhealthy family dynamics requires learning how to protect your energy, stand firm in your needs, and stop feeling guilty for prioritizing your well-being.

If you’re ready to set boundaries without guilt, download the 5 Simple Steps to Release Generational Trauma Checklist, filled with scripts and strategies to help you create and enforce healthy limits with family.

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Understanding Why Boundaries Feel So Hard

Many of us were raised in families where boundaries were either nonexistent or seen as disrespectful. If you grew up with:

🔹 Guilt-based relationships – “After everything I’ve done for you, you owe me.”
🔹 Codependency & enmeshment – No personal privacy, constant emotional caretaking.
🔹 Control & conditional love – Affection was only given when you behaved a certain way.
🔹 Dismissal of emotions – “You’re too sensitive” or “That never happened.”

Then setting boundaries as an adult can feel selfish, scary, or impossible. But here’s the truth: Boundaries are not about shutting people out—they’re about protecting your peace.

💡 Want to identify the biggest boundary violations in your life? Download the 5 Simple Steps to Release Generational Trauma Checklist for a guided reflection worksheet.

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How to Identify Where You Need Boundaries

Not sure where to start? Look at where you feel the most drained, resentful, or overwhelmed in family interactions. These are signs that a boundary is missing.

1. Emotional Boundaries – Protecting Your Mental Well-Being

• Do you feel pressured to share personal details you’re not comfortable with?
• Does your family dismiss or invalidate your emotions?
• Do they gaslight or rewrite history, making you question your own experiences?

2. Time & Energy Boundaries – Saying No Without Guilt

• Do certain family members expect constant availability?
• Are you guilted into attending events or conversations that drain you?
• Do they dismiss your need for alone time, calling it selfish or rude?

3. Parenting Boundaries – Protecting Your Children from Harmful Patterns

• Do family members undermine your parenting choices (e.g., dismissing your child’s sensory needs, discipline approaches, or autonomy)?
• Do they force physical affection on your child, ignoring their comfort?
• Do they expose your child to unhealthy dynamics you’re trying to break?

💡 Want help identifying your biggest boundary leaks? The 5 Simple Steps to Release Generational Trauma Checklist includes journal prompts to help you get clear

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How to Set & Communicate Boundaries (Without Guilt)

Once you’ve identified where boundaries are needed, the next step is communicating them clearly and enforcing them consistently.

1. Use Clear & Direct Language

Many of us were raised to soften our boundaries or over-explain. You don’t owe an explanation for protecting your peace.

• Instead of “I don’t think I can make it, I feel bad”, say “I won’t be attending.”
• Instead of “Can you please not do that?”, say “That’s not acceptable. Please stop.”

2. Prepare for Pushback (And Stand Firm Anyway)

• Expect guilt-tripping, defensiveness, or dismissiveness.
• Their reaction is not your responsibility.
• Keep your responses brief and neutral—you don’t have to justify yourself.

3. Set Consequences (And Follow Through)

• A boundary without a consequence is just a request.
• If a family member repeatedly crosses a boundary, state a clear consequence:
  “If you continue to ignore my parenting choices, we will take a break from visits.”
• Follow through. If you give second chances without change, they will assume your boundaries don’t matter.

💡 Want boundary-setting scripts for different family situations? Download the 5 Simple Steps to Release Generational Trauma Checklist today.

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When to Go Low-Contact or No-Contact

Sometimes, setting boundaries isn’t enough. If a family member continuously disrespects you, disregards your needs, or engages in toxic behavior, it may be time to reassess the relationship.

Signs that low-contact or no-contact may be necessary:

🔹 Repeated boundary violations – They refuse to respect your decisions.
🔹 Emotional abuse or manipulation – They guilt, shame, or gaslight you constantly.
🔹 Impact on your child’s well-being – Their behavior creates an unsafe environment.
🔹 Your health is suffering – Stress, anxiety, or emotional dysregulation due to interactions with them.

If You Choose Low-Contact:

✅ Limit communication to essentials. 

✅ Use third-party apps (e.g., OurFamilyWizard) if needed. 

✅ Stick to email or text instead of calls. 

✅ Avoid emotionally charged conversations.

If You Choose No-Contact:

✅ Give yourself permission to choose peace over obligation. 

✅ Seek support from a therapist or coach. 

✅ Remember: Cutting ties doesn’t mean you’re “giving up”—it means you’re choosing yourself.

Setting boundaries with family can feel uncomfortable, but it’s necessary for your healing.

If a family member refuses to respect your limits, you are not the problem. Breaking generational cycles requires choosing your well-being over outdated family expectations.

If you’re ready to set boundaries with confidence, download the 5 Simple Steps to Release Generational Trauma Checklist for scripts, strategies, and support

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